DAUNTLESS

DAUNTLESS

Summary:

 Death is only the beginning of pain. Dead memories of the past continue to haunt those who remain. Some people are too driven with grief and loss that judgment blurs. When Kurosaki Karin died, many claimed at fault, but none more than Captain Hitsugaya Toushiro. After too many years of abiding by a promise, will he finally have enough or will he fall victim to one of Fate’s mischievous games?

Disclaimer: Bleach ain’t mine, story’s mine.

Prologue: Awakening

It was dark.

Everywhere she looked there was no light, just endless, fathomless darkness.

She put her hands in front of her face, wiggling, waving, slapping her face with it even, but she didn’t see her own hands, only felt the slight sting of pain on her cheeks. She bit her lip, drawing blood from it. It tasted metallic against her tongue.

It was timeless here, this world. She didn’t know how long she’d been trapped in this lifeless realm, only knew of the sadness of isolation it brought her heart.

She walked towards nowhere in particular. It was just pure instinct, walking, that is. She didn’t know where this direction she’s heading leads to, she just wanted to get away from this world, from this eerie silence, from this empty realm of black.

She wanted to see light…even if just a little. It will give her hope, she supposed.

Hope…

Was there even a thing so pure in this empty, sad place?

There was nothing in this world, nothing at all. There was only her. Walking with no knowledge where she was going, she did this ceaselessly. This world of perpetual darkness housed only her soul and she longed for someone…anyone.

Imagine if you were the only person in a world devoid of light. Imagine not knowing who you are, imagine if there was no one there beside you. Think of a place where not a single breathing being lives except yours. Imagine not seeing even your face, not knowing how you look like. When the sun’s light had scorched all life except yours, and you were crying out until your throat had gone dry and hoarse from all the yelling and craving for a single sound to respond yours. And there was nothing. Only dead silence answered your longing and screams.

Think of that loneliness.

Imagine that pain.

And think of how it would feel to have heard of a small grunt—tiny, distant and almost inaudible.

She ran towards the sound. Running fast, very fast, like all the life that was sucked out of her returned the instant she heard that faint, low roar. She searched frantically, yelling even though her throat hurt from every cry she released. But she did not care. The only thing that mattered to her was the sound. Her lips formed a wide grin while she searched, calling for the one who had growled. It was vicious in her ears, but she was not scared. There was someone there! After years, it seemed, of walking and shouting, calling for some other breathing creature, there was someone with her finally!

She heard it again, louder this time. She turned left, her feet bare yet no rocks assaulted it. This world she was in had polished grounds; she could almost feel nothing beside the feel of the cold smooth ground against the skin of her feet.

For the first time, she saw something.

She saw white and it was the most beautiful thing her eyes had ever laid unto.

In front of her was a great, huge beast. Its fur was the color of snow, around its neck wrapped of longer ash-colored fur bellowing and curling in the wind. Just above its paws were furs of the same color too, moving like thin silk being whispered by flirtatious winds. The massive creature gazed down at her, its teeth taller than her, much taller than her.

She walked towards it, eyes fixed on its face, unperturbed of the monster’s dangerous monstrosity. Gold, menacing eyes regarded her with cold indifference. The great white beast—a combination of a fox and a wolf, she realized, was so, so cruelly beautiful. It made no action of attacking her; it was just laying there, lucent buds of light emitted from it, circling its body.

So beautiful…so dangerous…

As she walked closer, she looked down and to her great astonishment, she saw her body. She blinked, tears dripping from her eyes, unto the lighted white ground. Her breath came in pants and she collapsed on the floor, laughing silently between tiny muffled sobs. For the first time…

Her heart soared with uncontrollable gladness that lifted her spirit above all that was dead in this place. Gods, thank you so much…so, so much.

The giant creature growled. It was low, but she felt no worry at all. Twin rivers divided on her pale face and when she realized it flowing down her face, she wiped the tears roughly with her elbow. For some reason she could not fathom, she felt ashamed to be seen weak. She looked up, hearing the beast growl again. Its voice was distant even though it was just in front of her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice cracking and her throat burning.

The beast looked like it was trying to talk to her. It rose and its full height intimidated her. She backed up a bit, trying to crane her neck to see its face. She could not, the creature was too big. The light spread then and it blinded her for a moment. She hadn’t seen light in forever, that seeing it now was like a dream come true. Her eyes grew wide as she saw the beast make its way closer to her. She made no move to run away, inside her was a voice that told her she was safe. She was all right.

The beast rested in front of her, its head on the floor, gold eyes looking directly down at her. She saw glimpses of herself reflected from it. She could see her silhouette, tall and young. Her hair was as black as a raven’s feathers—the color much like this world she lives in, tips just reaching her shoulder. She could not identify the color of her eyes though; the beast’s eyes were just too far for her to see.

“Too long have I waited, child.”

Her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. The beast’s voice rang inside her, the sound a soothing, lazy growl that sounded almost relieved, satisfied, and proud even. It still sounded like a distant growled echo that almost made no sense, but she heard his words. His voice was a welcomed echo in this world of nothing. It lulled her soul, like a sweet, gentle caress. She felt protected when in this beast’s presence but confused as well as to why she felt so.

She wanted to respond, wanted to know what he had meant, but the world was enveloped by gusts of white glorious winds and a blinding light emerged that consumed all that was dark in this small world of hers.

And she was consumed by it as well.

~XoX~

It could have been minutes, days, months or years even, when her mind woke up.

There were sounds now—blissful and content and joyous. She felt something prick at her heart as she heard it. There were no tears in her eyes, but her heart ached and rejoiced at the same time. It shed tears for her instead.

She could not open her eyes. She tried, hard, to open it. And yet she could not.

All around her were noises. A family’s, she realized confusedly. One was that of a woman, gentle and loving. The other one was a man’s, foolish, deep and booming with happiness. There was one that touched her heart most amongst them—a boy’s. He was cooing a baby, his voice that of a proud older brother. She could almost imagine the little boy caressing his younger sibling’s face as the infant cried relentlessly, an awed expression painted on his small face.

She could not tell if the baby was male or female, but her heart grew warm at the young boy’s care for him—or her. Whoever the baby was must be very lucky.

Another cry cut through her thoughts—another baby’s.

“Ah, Yuzu! Mommy, Yuzu’s crying” whined the boy.

Yuzu.

She felt no familiarity with the name, but there was an odd feeling inside her. It didn’t feel foreign when she mouthed the name. It was a strange dream. She knew nothing of these people, yet why is it that she was dreaming of them?

“It’s alright, Ichigo” the woman said gently, “you were like them too when you were a baby. Babies cry a lot.”

So, the young boy’s name was Ichigo. She smiled as the world seemed to be disappearing in front of her. There were no sounds now, but she felt oddly alright with it.

Strawberry…what a girly name.

~XoX~

Cold…

She was in a world of ice. The glaciers here were edgy peaks of cold pointed crystal and high, thick walls. The icy ground felt like thousands of cold needles against her bare feet, freezing it slowly and painfully. She could feel the temperature against her skin, her thin, dirty clothes useless against the torturous winds. She was so cold that her body was beginning to numb.

She climbed up towards higher ground, determined to get a view of this place. A way to get out she thought. Her feet felt like they’d been plunged into quicksand, heavy and numbing. Despite the ache though, she still climbed up.

It took a lot of time and enormous effort to climb the steep, slippery ice. Countless times had she lost footing, almost falling unto the bottomless dark voids underneath, narrowly avoiding death by an inch.

After what seemed to her as hours, she was finally on the top. She was astounded at the fact that she was still alive after so much torture. Her body was so cold and her teeth were chattering. Her lips had become an unpleasant tone of violet. Puffs of warm air came out her mouth rapidly and laboriously. Her cheeks were an unhealthy shade of red against her pale white skin. She looked down at her hands and her body trembled violently at the sight of the appalling frostbites. She can’t feel her feet now, and she was too scared to look down and see its damage. Her hair had frosts in them, her brows, her lashes, her face, her arms, her legs.

She was so cold, she wanted to die.

Almost suddenly, she felt a small hand on her back. It felt so warm…oh so warm and strong. She leaned against the hand, feeling her body relax and melt against the warmth it gave her. Her body won’t move, or rather, too tired to move. She wanted to face whoever was giving her the warmth. After all, after being continuously tormented by harsh whips of cold, menacing winds, any heat was a sumptuousness she clearly ached for.

She tried talking. She could not. Her throat was dry and it seems she couldn’t talk at all. Left with no other options, she looked at the view in front of her. Wow, she marveled, amazed. Canyons of ice decorated itself in the vast area, smooth and perfect giant sculptures of crystal clear solids. The sky above was very dark and cloudy, like those secretive nights brewing terrible storms. In the absence of light, the massive ice land was a sight to behold. It shined and flickered luminous blue, white and transparent crystals—like a land made out of diamonds. The lights seemed to dance, glowing and fading again and again.

She wondered if she’ll ever get to see this place again—probably not.

She smiled—too small to be noticed—letting her eyes droop, ready for death to come. She was so tired.

“Karin” a small voice said from behind her. It sounded sad, she wondered why. It was with great struggle did she look over her shoulder slowly and painfully to look at a boy much smaller than her. He had snow white hair, his skin tan and his face was cast down the ice, not looking at her. Through his long wild fringe that was carried by the cold breezes, she could see long lashes of silver. Distractedly, she saw how the boy’s white haori billowed against the winds and thought how good it would feel to have it around her body, to feel just a tiny bit warmer. Just a bit would be fine. “Karin”

She drew her brows together in worry. She tried to ask what he meant, but her voice had fled elsewhere. All that came out were bleary cackle of jumbled words even she did not understand. Her throat ached so much.

“Your name is Karin”

~XoX~

She woke up with a start.

She blinked a few times. Her brows furrowed together in concentration and after a few failed attempts of trying to remember what she’d dreamt, scratched her head in defeat, frowning as she did so.

She sighed and studied her surroundings. She blinked again. And again and again.

“The hell?” It was the first words she’d uttered in the Spirit World, specifically in the 80^th district of West Rukongai.

She cannot remember anything…only her name — Karin.

~XoX~